Excerpt Chapter 4 - Femininity

 

     

 

Tackling the growing topic of femininity and gender, this chapter provides insights into gender bias, my definition of gender reflection and different encounters highlighting scenarios questioning my femininity since I don’t have a child and even those who do.  Religion, science, physical appearance, culture, supporting articles and inspirational influencers create this gender bender rollercoaster.  Caution: to ride this rollercoaster, one must respect everyone’s opinions.  Below is a small excerpt from Milk Drunk: What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting Chapter 4 Femininity.

 

Is there such a thing as a biological clock? If so, are its powers strong enough to change the mind of a determined, independent and defined woman? The science nerd in me will tell you cells, tissues, and organs have some type of internal clock that senses light, darkness, and other rhythmic cycles that are coordinated by your brain. The most commonly referenced biological clock—human fertility—is both scientifically accurate and mentally persuading.

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I never felt that urgency, trusted alarm, or even the ticking of a clock indicating the necessity for a child. When I was in my twenties, many people waived off my intent, stating I was young, followed by their reassured permission that I should find myself first.

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When I was in my early thirties, I was told there was still time to decide to have a child. Apparently, the clock does not truly begin until you find yourself at the age of researching anti-aging face creams.

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By the time I got to my late thirties, I stopped hearing the rebuttals and was littered with compliments like, “You’re a great person,” “You are so smart,” and “You’re beautiful,” with the hopes to convince me to have a baby before it was too late.

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I must admit, it was a genius tactic.

Who doesn’t want to hear positive attributes about themselves?

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Now, being in my forties I have heard the term “medical advancements” more times than I can count. A simple “thank you” is how I’ve been responding to the sea of people who have miraculously become Reproductive Endocrinologists overnight.

 

Without a biological clock constantly going off, does that make me less of a woman?

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With my discussions, I have always argued “no.” I feel feminine despite not having or wanting children. I am a woman because I am strong enough to admit that. Surprisingly, there are people who view this differently. To them, a woman revolves around children in some capacity. From the physical nature of pregnancy and childbirth to the nurturing aspects of being a mother, a child must be involved to fulfill that definition.

Truth of the matter, gender reflection and roles are pivoting as are the expectations of how one should feel. Gender is being addressed as something more than what the past has dictated.

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Take a page from some inspirational childless women like devoted civil rights activist Susan B. Anthony, Mexican painter Frida Kahlo, US Supreme Court judge Sonia Sotomayor, author Jane Austen, and the American Media mogul Oprah Winfrey. Not only did these women succeed beyond the limits of their fields, but they also pivoted outside the social norm and chose to take on more action related to themselves.

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When individually dictating the ideals for life—especially the preference for children—religion, ethnicity, and media are strong influential factors. For example, in ethnically Chinese populations around the world, birth rates spike in lucky Zodiac years, like the year of the Dragon. Similarly, when growing up in an environment surrounded by extended family or a religious community, fertility encouragement grows. Meanwhile, access to modern mass media coverage such as the reality television show 16 and Pregnant or even Brazilian soap operas have caused decreased desires for having a child.[1]

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If you believe that you are not destined to have a child, then you must own that. Dare yourself to be authentic enough to represent women and be classified as feminine, all without having a child. Challenge the system, advocate for your risks, and undo what has been physically wired in both your mind and society’s perspective.

If all else fails, ask yourself, “What would Oprah Winfrey do?”

 

 

[1] Lyman Stone, “What Makes People Have Babies: The Link Between Cultural Values and Fertility Rates” Public Discourse, May 7, 2019, https://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2019/05/51661/.

 [DG1]You only need to insert one footnote within the paragraph for the same source. That’s why I have it at the end of the paragraph and deleted the others.