Excerpt Chapter 2 - Disappointment

 

     

 

This chapter provides personal details into conversations and reactions with family and then boyfriend (now husband) towards my decision to not have children. It also highlights the topic of religion tied to children. Unbeknownst to me, according to some, I not only disappointed my family, but God as well. Sprinkled in are exemplifying disappointment encounters to support the chapter’s theme. Below is a small excerpt from                Milk Drunk: What to Expect When You're Not Expecting Chapter 2 Disappointment.

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It is important to make your expectations known to the people impacted by them and to thoroughly consider what is best for yourself. Communicate openly. Deciding not to have children was not a rash or spur-of-the-moment decision; it was a calculated and difficult one that I discussed multiple times around my family. With such a personal topic, a typical “one and done” conversation wasn’t enough—not even in my household where I was lucky enough to avoid the added stress of disappointment. Instead, discussions of independence, overall concerns, motherhood stories, and affirmation occurred.

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It is common for people to question my family’s reaction when I told them I didn’t want children. Did I let them down? Were they angry, sad, or disappointed? Were they expecting a different decision? If my family settled for my choice, were friends discouraged or disheartened by the news? What about the fear of disappointing God?

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With such a personal discussion, a light tone is often easier than a complicated biography. A punchy go-to response such as, “Disappoint my family yet again? Nope!” is how I respond.

If they offer a smile or a laugh in return, I am more willing to detail my life choices; however, a disgusted reaction suggests this person has already judged me. Nothing I say will matter. During these moments, I try to confidently walk away while reminding myself that their negativity will not influence my behavior.

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While waiting in an airport on my first business trip with a new company, I was sitting with a coworker, Sara. She didn’t have children yet instantly started a conversation around kids.

“Do you have kids?” she asked.

“No,” I replied.

Staring directly at me with a look of despair, she quickly asked, “Is your family disappointed about that?”

Her tone and abruptness concerned me. I stared at her for a moment while gathering my thoughts.

“Disappointed?” I asked, tilting my head. “Because I don’t have children? No.”

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Contemplating her immediate response, I assumed Sara was feeling the pressure to have children and needed advice. I found myself in unfamiliar territory—finally not being judged but doing the judging. It was possible I was incorrectly reading the room, but with her eyes locked in my direction, I sensed she felt some sort of pressure.

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To ease the tension, I answered with a dollop of humor. “If my parents or family are disappointed with my decision to not have children, they do a great job hiding it.”

Sara did not bat an eyelash. Her serious look of concern dominated the mood. I quickly pivoted from the humorous approach to offer a sincere answer.

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I began explaining my relationship with my family. “My family and I are very close and vocal. They were aware of my decision to not have children because I had upfront conversations with them.”

Sara simply replied, “Oh.” She looked defeated and sad.

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I continued to explain the importance of communication and acknowledged how difficult it can be when forced, especially with family. It was necessary to remind Sara that without discussion, unique and individual beliefs are not expressed, which allows others to assume their thoughts are universal.