Excerpt Chapter 1 - Purpose

 

     

 

This chapter focuses on my reactions and encounters to those who worry, debate, or genuinely ask, what the purpose of my life would be if I was not a mother.  I describe how I am fulfilled and define who I am without a child.  For those wondering what my life will look like in the future and if it will be enough without a child, (spoiler alert) the answer is yes.  Yes, my life will be fulfilled and have purpose because I understand who I authentically am.  Throughout this chapter, I highlight the necessity to remain true to yourself and live life how you want.  This, my friends are the very first steps in adding purpose to your life.  Below is a small excerpt from       Milk Drunk: What to Expect When You're Not Expecting Chapter 1 Purpose.

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When I was in my late twenties, I attended a birthday party for my friend’s ten-year-old daughter. The outdoor playground was filled with colorful decorations, enough pizza to feed a small town, parents happily relaxing, adult juice boxes, and an abundance of children enjoying life. I mingled between groups and played with the kids throughout the day. During a moment sitting alone at a table, an older woman—probably in her sixties—approached me with a sweet expression and inquisitive nature.

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“Which one of these children is yours?” she asked.

With sincere eyes, I shook my head and said, “None.”

“Oh.” She stared directly at me. “Do you have a family?”

With a smile I answered, “Yes, a husband and a very large, tight-knit family.”

Afraid she might assume I was at the children’s party for obscure reasons, I felt inclined to quickly defend my attendance.

“I’m here for my friend’s daughter’s birthday,” I swiftly stated.

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After my statement, I felt her level of sincerity and observation. Those genuine attributes, along with her relaxed frame and honest smile, helped me feel comfortable. Without hesitation, she seamlessly pointed out with pride her blonde-haired granddaughter.

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After that, we struck up a warm conversation around family. She spoke about her four children, how one had died of leukemia, and the insufferable pain she encountered from that loss.

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While discussing her child’s death, she happily stared at the children playing.

Slowly, she turned to me, “Even though I buried my child, I wouldn’t change my life. My purpose is to be a mother no matter what the circumstances are.”

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I sat there humbled and hooked on every word. The emotion in her eyes wasn’t just sorrow, but honor, and I wanted to experience more.

Thankfully, she continued the conversation.

“What is your purpose then, dear?” she politely asked.

I placed my hand on my chest. “To be the best version of me.”

She sweetly smiled, and we sat there in a friendly silence watching the children play.

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In a world where curiosity is at the helm with obstacles preventing an easy or straightforward journey, assumption is its neighbor.

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As a female you will constantly get asked if you have children, with the assumption you want kids. Case in point, the older woman at the birthday party. Though harmless, her icebreaker was wildly incorrect. In her defense, the odds were high that someone my age was attending the party because their child was invited; however, these assumptions happen with or without Bozo the Clown entertaining.

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Some people worry that the life I chose will not be enough in the future. Sure, I might need some other type of bond, but there is no guarantee a child would provide it. Is it so terrible for me to say the bond I have with myself is enough? Because it is. I know exactly who I am and what I want, and I don’t feel the need to apologize for my special bond with myself. Most importantly, I know that when I get hangry a simple Snickers bar isn’t going to cut it.

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As author Margaret Young wrote, “You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”[1] Even if I didn’t have my husband or my great family, I know that the bond I have with myself is strong enough to take on life independently. Yes, taking on life with a partner or family adds a rich layer, but I am not debating that. Instead, I am making sure that those who question my decisions understand that the bond I have with myself is central to who I am, and it’s unbreakable.

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When I look in the mirror, the person looking back at me has no doubt who she is, and that to me is the main way I define my awesome purpose in life.

 

 

 

 

[1] Brene Brown, The Gifts Of Imperfection (Hazelden Publishing, 2010),